i’m a writer but i believe the best things are impossible to write down. they can only be experienced. how do you describe a mushroom trip? how do you describe a relationship that runs so deep that the only way to explain it to yourself is to shake your head and say something under your breath about a previous life? you don’t, you just have a secret handshake with everyone you know who has gone through it too. for me that’s the best and the worst part. it connects you deeply with those people who get it, but it alienates you from the rest.
the key then is to keep experiencing. the more experiences, the more secret clubs you belong to. and your greatest connection with someone will be something you’ll never talk about, even if you could.
josh’s father passed away. and josh sent around an email, “the bob club”.
Bob believed in relationships and, as opposed to the Buddhist “non-attachment” strategy to life, he believed in really getting attached. Bob thought of himself and everyone else as “club members” and all he had to do to connect with someone was to find their common club. My dad was part of the musician club, the motor cycle club, the Jewish club, the smoking club, the father club, the naked hot tub club, the comedy club, the brownie club, the sweat lodge club, the Epstein club, the sculptor club, the good dog club, the loving partner club, the garage sale club, The shitty gas station coffee club, the amazed by cool shit club, and thousands of other clubs that helped him connect with different people. None of these clubs were exclusive and there was never a dress code. After my dad died, hoards of “club members” came, called, and wrote to grieve, celebrate, share, love, cry, laugh, roast, and connect. I was filled with love like I had never known.
it’s like that scene in the movie version of mother night. a beautiful book and a beautifully faithful movie. george kraft and howard campbell hang out for the first time and kraft gives campbell a knowing look from the couch. both of their wives passed away. they were part of that club. and so they played chess.
